Monkey Brains
"Blue Stripped Shirt" Monkey See 006 
Saturday, July 28, 2007, 04:22 PM - Monkey See
Posted by Administrator
Is blue stripped shirt the new douche? I was at a bar last night and couldn't believe how many idiots were wearing striped blue dress shirts. I mean are there no other kinda dress shirts out there and why are they wearing dress shirts? Is it some sort of gang? was I hanging out in a gang bar? Highly unlikely. It cant be that this is the high fashion craze cause Ive seen this dress uniform for a few years now, Kaki pants and dress shirts most often sky blue or some sort os pastel color. Now it may be some sort of mating ritual cause I also did notice that the number of douche bags wearing this outfit was matched by the number of retarded girls that were attracted to these morons. I mean who would not be attracted to a loud obnoxious drunken tool who dresses like every other person in the room and seems to have no sense of what is going on besides the fact that it's time to get hammered and grab some ass. I have always thought how odd it would seem if I got a group of friends and we all wore the same exact T-Shirt and went to the upper east or west side and walked into a bar together. I don't think the crowds there would think any more us then I think of people who have no sense of actually looking a little less like an assembly line product from the banana republic factory.

MS
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"I'm a Bartender" Drunken Monkey 010 
Sunday, July 1, 2007, 08:39 PM - Drunken Monkey
Posted by Administrator
"I'm a bartender" unless you are asked by the bartender what you do or if you're asked if you are one then I shouldn't hear those words from anyone. Any real bartender does not need to announce that to anybody. Usually when some dumb ass clown states that they are a bartender or even worse that they used to be a bartender then you know they have been a pain in the ass or about to be one. Most bartenders will be able to spot a fellow patriot of the spirits by the way they behave at the bar. Waiting patiently till the bartender gets to them, not asking for pain in the ass drinks that are probably not served there, not waving money in the air to get someones attention (as if I were a topless dancer)and most of all they tip like they know full well that we make a living from tips and not from a paycheck. The ASSHOLES that like to start their drink orders with "I'm a bartender" probably worked at a Friday's or Apple bee's for a week before they went back to school during college. The most infuriating action that these so called bartenders make is tiping one dollar on a big drink order. There is no way in ell that these fucking morons ever made a living serving drinks cause they would know better tipping etiquette. Using the term "I'm a bartender" is not like showing a badge at a crime scene it does not allow you act like an ass cause you held the job title.

DM
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"Tip Tease" Drunken Monkey 009 
Saturday, December 2, 2006, 12:49 PM - Drunken Monkey
Posted by Administrator
There is a breed of assholes out there that somehow manage to play this trick on bartenders and at least I fall for it all the time. They tip on every drink but then the second they get their free drink they stop tipping its like being some sort of a tip tease. Well that may work but hey not only is it rude to not tip on a buy back it fucks it up in case you were going to get another buy back later. Did these idiots ever think beyond the ONE buy back? Cause if you continue to tip good , well there may even be a free shot or another drink in it for ya. But the losers that then just take their drinks and run ...walk home sober. You may still get fucked up but it will cost you more money. Remember its always the good tipper that goes home with more money in their pocket and fucked up.

DM
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"Turistas" Drunken Monkey 008 
Saturday, December 2, 2006, 10:55 AM - Drunken Monkey
Posted by Administrator
The Only reason I put a French man here to represent all tourist is that there was one last night and I kid you not with GOD as my witness he had a black hat and a stripped shirt on. And like most tourist he was cheap and left no tip. now I can't understand why in this day in age people still come to the US and not tip.SO do they expect us to believe that they are the only person from their "town" that has ever come across to big ol America? and no where in any guide book or web site does it state "it's customary to tip in America" Well from now on when I travel overseas I will definitively look up what some of the customs are in those places and make sure I don't do them , like NOT TIP.

DM
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"Speak Up" Drunken Monkey 007 
Thursday, November 30, 2006, 05:45 PM - Drunken Monkey
Posted by Administrator
What is it with people who feel they have to whisper when ordering their drinks? I mean there are other people around them talking and music playing, so why whisper? You are not in a library and if you are in a bar that is so quite that you feel you need to whisper then maybe you need to find a better bar to hang out at. If you make a bartender ask you two and three times what the fuck it was that you said, then the bartender will need to make up the time lost asking you to repeat yourself by cutting down on the amount of time pouring actual liquor into your drink. Keep that in mind next time you feel like talking like a shy little wallflower. SPEAK LOUDLY when you order your drinks .......... but not too loud cause thats a whole other subject we don't have time to get into right now.

DM
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"I got your tip right here" Drunken Monkey 006 
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 06:35 PM - Drunken Monkey
Posted by Administrator
The bars are always full of bullshit artists, that goes without saying. One of the worst of the bullshit artists is the "I am looking in my wallet for your tip" artist. This particular species likes to get his drink then look into his wallet waiting for you (the bartender) to turn away to take care of another customer or do something where you wont be looking at directly at him. He will then proceed to run like a little school girl who walked in on her teacher kissing the janitor. It's bad enough when you don't tip but do you really have to act like you are going to give a tip and then run away like a little baby? I would prob have more respect (not really) for someone who just out right does not tip. The idiots who think this trick works also think that they get alcohol in their drinks the rest of the night too. They then wonder why the bartender rather make all her/his singles and fives face the same way then take care of them again. I guess when you see a bartender doing his BS acting (arranging bills) its cause you did your BS acting (looking in your wallet for a tip).

DM
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"Sugar Mama" Monkey See 005 
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 05:38 PM - Monkey See
Posted by Administrator
Who are these women (really girls) who seem to be attracted to guys (sorry but mostly musicians) who can never pay for anything? They pay at the door, at the coat check and at the bar. I have seen these girls also pay for meals and in allot of the cases the girl actually gives the man (really boy) the money, to make him feel like a man who actually has money and so he can look like he pays for it. Do these girls think they look like any less of an idiot by giving the boy the money to play the part of the financier? When you actually give the money in front of the door person or bartender and then the guy (loser) hands it over to the person collecting the money it is one of the most idiotic acts ever...EVERYONE involved can see and knows that the guy didn't pay for it so why not just pay for it directly? Now the girls who actually carry these fools equipment to their cars thats a total other subject.

MS
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